Not a second of regret

So here I sit while my brother plays with my kids and my mother cleans my house. I was in the ER all day getting meds and fluids so I am USELESS at anything. And I should feel grateful , I am grateful, but I just feel like a failure. Millions and millions of pregnant women can take care of their kids, and their houses. Crap , they can even eat. They crave weird things and gain tons of weight. But Hi, I am Erin. I Suck at being pregnant. I grow great little kids, and they come out all perfect and smart, but I don't handle it well. I throw up 20 times a day. On an average day. I am thrilled at the thought of getting my PICC line this Wednesday.

I do not regret being pregnant because I would never regret my kids. But I have to tell you, to hear everyone I came across at the hospital this morning tell me I should have stopped after the first. I can't tell you how that breaks my heart. The thought of not having my little dare devil. The one who is quick to hug and kiss and cuddle but quicker to jump off the tallest thing in the room? The one with the cute little dimple? How can you not go through all this, day in and day out, when at the end, is this little person you would give your life for. I guess for me, it just starts a little earlier than most.