Safe Foods

Part of the joy of HG is learning what your safe foods are. Safe foods are foods, that almost always, stay down. For me, it is usually Chips, Pepsi and McDonalds and Powerade, Orange Powerade. Well. Chips are now not a safe food. I am so sad. That was such an easy and FREE safe food. Dave works at Frito Lays and when the cases get ruined or the chips are stale dated , they come home to Momma! But now, UGH. The thought of them and my stomach turns. As for the powerade, threw that up a few times in a row, and now the thought of it turns my stomach and makes me gag. So what does that leave me with? McD's and Pepsi. What all good babies are grown on. Lord help us. And of course, what did we just buy? You got it. A mini van. So I have looked in the couches the car seats and ANYWHERE there may be spare change. All to feed my habit. Now I was able to eat some dinner yesterday. So I can eat other stuff, but I have to really really want it.
While growing J I was very worried about drinking too much caffeine. But according to health Canada I could have 5 or 6 cans of pop a day and its in the limit. So Since I can almost get in two cans in a day, I am ahead of the game.

Aren't you glad you know this now?

The Hard Part

Hyperemisis is a life threatening condition that can happen in pg. It is not "just" morning sickness. You lose weight, You get dehydrated and need IV fluids. There are many meds to take just to get through to the next day. My pharmacist knows my voice. The receptionist at my wonderful OB's office knew my crying (called crying alot). I have been blessed to be surrounded by wonderful and caring family and medical professionals during all three of my HG pregnancies. Some women are not so lucky. A few years ago and Husband and Dad to be lost his family, wife and unborn twins, to HG. The Dr let it go to long, and she was not able to come through it. People DIE from this. BABIES die from this.

There seems to be a link between HG and 2nd trimester loss. They babies take and take and survive best they can but sometimes there is just not enough there for them to take, and they become Angels before even meeting their parents. It just plain sucks. Day after Day I pray for it to end. I just don't want to be sick anymore. But in a weird way, being sick means my baby is OK. It means that the baby is growing and surviving and will get to make his or her entrance in March. How horrible is it for a mom to wish for the suffering to end. In my other pregnancies I can remember debating about whether or not to go on. Waking up nauseated, spending the entire with the feeling that i could throw up at any minute with out warning. I planned my drives to work to make sure there were places I could stop to be sick along the way. I tried so many foods and so many times it just failed and I threw up until my throat was so raw and sore it bled. Until my abdomen muscles were so sore it felt like I had worked out. Work out? Please. I can't even walk up the stairs. A good day is when I throw up less than 15 times. On a bad day, I just make base camp in the bathroom and notice all the dirt and dust on the bathroom floor.

Dignity. Well that is a joke. In my second pg, I was so sick that I couldn't stop throwing up and every time I threw up I peed and defecated in my pants. Nice. 30 years old sticking Dora diapers in my underwear for the drive to the hospital. I have thrown up in front of Family, Neighbors, co workers and complete strangers. I pee my pants every time I throw up. It is so force full.

But the hard part? Its not the sickness. Its that this is it. This is my last pregnancy. There will be no more. It is to hard on my family. My kids can't figure out why Mommy is so sick. My family needs to help us, just to get through the day. This is my last everything. The last time I will feel the baby grow inside me. The last time I will give birth. And that sucks.

I always wanted four kids. I am blessed to be on my way to three. Some are not so lucky. But it just plain sucks that this it.

Despite it all, despite everything, I would do this again. Beyond a shadow of a doubt. But That is not to be.

My heart is just breaking.

Why does everyone else have to throw up?

So far this go, I have been doing really really well. I am almost 8 weeks along and have only been in the ER for fluids once. That is amazing! With C I had already been admitted after 5 ER visits and home with a peripheral IV in my hand and waiting for a PICC line. So I am doing much much better. Although my trick for not throwing up is to sleep, so not really sure what will happen when I go back to work in a few weeks. I am trudging along, doing pretty good. Dave is being AMAZING! Taking up all the slack, cleaning, parenting etc. Now last night, C decides to throw up in our bed. Well mostly on Dave in our bed. So he is covered in vomit and I am dying. I can't help, I am trying not to throw up in support of C. So he has to deal with her while trying to wipe off the vomit. Oh, I win the wife of the year award. I totally think I have to buy Dave an xbox 360 at the end of this. He so wants one. But then, with three kids, when will he have the time to play?

Oh My

So this morning I bring the car in to be fixed, again. That sucker loves my money thrown at it. So while waiting I bought a minivan! It was used , and I got a good deal, but still. That is what someone with horrible nausea and vomitting should do. Buy a minivan! The new car smell competing with the puke smell! The stress made me thankful that i didn't eat before I went. But now I am pretty excited. J is so thrilled she can hardly stand it. She loves that she can easily see out the windows in the van. We pick it up tomorrow. Something tells me she is going to make us go for a drive! I am just friggin thrilled it has AC! Yes, we owned a BLACK car for 8 years with no AC! (I think we bought it 8 years ago yesterday...) That was MISERABLE. We thought, sure, the summer isn't very long. We can handle it. OMG we forgot about kids. They so were not fans of the super hot seats and even hotter air. Plus you couldn't roll the windows down all the way or the poor things couldn't breathe! Even my husband is coming online too. But going from no payments to monthly payments is going to sting. We will be spending lots and lots of quality time at home eating Kraft Dinner! But I will do ANYTHING for AC!

Will this work? (oh ya this is gross)

That about sums up my life right now. Just surviving. Trying to be a Mom and Wife while dealing with nausea 24/7 and the all consuming question "will this stay down? and if not how Gross will it be coming back?" That may be disgusting to you, but that is my life. Certain foods have been voted off the island. Anything dairy, chicken or with small pieces. Because nothing makes puking harder then trying to breathe while throwing up with noodles in your nose. Oh and crackers they have been BANISHED! A lovely incident while pg with my first took care of that. Try crackers, they help. Nope, they damn near killed me. I choked on them while throwing up. Thought I was going to have call 911. My husband was sleeping as he had been working nights, and there I am trying to breathe in the bathroom. Oh yes the good times. Finally got it up and then wasn't sure if I should laugh or cry. With my first I was so nave. I tried everything. This is the third go round for me. I am living off powerade (only orange) and croissants with peanut butter and jam. That is it. Sometimes a little something extra will stay down. But not often. And if the croissants don't. no big deal. They really are not that bad to throw up.

Well if you made it to the end of this post, you have less of a life then I do! But thanks for your support. It really matters.

My First Er Visit- July 26th

So Big Day for me. My first ER visit of my third pregnancy. Gotta love Hyperemisis. I was putting it off and putting it off, but by 5pm I knew I was toast. I had to go in for fluids. Nothing was staying in, and nothing would help. So of course, Dave is at work. Mom came over and then I had to have my brother drive me to the ER. Convinced him there was no point in staying with me. I would wait a few hours, get an IV some meds and fall asleep. Fun eh?

So I arrive in Triage. This is not my first go at this. I look around, I know who I trump and who trumps me. The guy that comes in disoriented and can't remember the date, Yup, he wins. So I wait. The nurse sees me, I explain it all. She is WONDERUL! I love her. Her name is Mary Anne. After I get registered she puts me on a strecher and gives me IV Fluid, gravol and vitamins. OMG I love getting gravol in my IV. I can feel and taste it hit me. I know with in minutes I will be so sleepy that I can sleep through the wait and the nausea. Praise the lord.

So lying there in my strecher, near the triage desk ,oh I get to hear the good stuff. The wait was 5-6 hours to get into the back to wait to see the Dr. They were swamped. People realize they are sick once all the clinics close on a Saturday. So everyone heads over to the ER. The nurses get yelled at, and cursed. Ok, do they really think that this will get them in faster? Of course I will sneak you in , you just called me a bitch! Let me bump somebody out for you! Oh know, I think they get bumped down to wait longer. If you can yell and scream at the nurse do you REALLY have shortness of breath? Hmm???

So finally I get into the back (before a lot of the people in the waiting room, told you I would trump someone!). The Dr's come in. I explain whats going on. They look at me like I have grown a second head. You MEANT to do this?? I know that is what they are thinking. But they are kind and caring. Plus they gave me a script for more meds that will help.

Dave finally comes to pick me up. Once again we get to see Police with some schmuck who should have stopped drinking around noon! Then of course we hear about the guy that wins the cool guy award. He broke his ankle sky diving, they landed in a corn field. So my having 30+ episodes of vomitting isn't cool? Come on, thats pretty good for not even 10 hours!

Welcome To The Isolation Chamber

So when we decided to have a third. We thought about everything. We knew I would get sick, we knew what that meant for our family. Mommy could do very little and everything would fall on to Daddy. Cooking, cleaning , parenting, everything. I thought I was okay with that. I was so wrong. There is such a level of sadness I feel when I am lying in bed and I can hear my kids playing and having fun outside with Daddy or Nanny.

It is so painful to know that I can't play with them right now. Well I could, but then I throw up and that ruins all the fun. I am already on Zofran, Zantac, Colace, Stemetil, Diclectin, Histantil and Gravol. All in the hopes of stopping the nausea and the vomitting. But then this is my third go of HG. And I know, that no matter what I take I will STILL have the 24/7 mind numbing nausea. Nothing takes it away. That is just all kinds of fun.

I know that we will make through the coming months. My wonderful husband taking on most of the responsiblity around here, my Mother having to step in when Daddy goes to work. I know that my children will survive. They will be okay. The oldest doesn't remember my pregnancy with her little sister. So the youngest wont remember any of this. My oldest will have some memories and it is up to me to make sure they are good ones. Well and a few scary ones so she wont have sex until she hits 30!